Unfortunately, Soul was also where I realised some people are just fucked in the head. Not a new realisation I suppose, but somehow over the last few days it has become abundantly clear just how many people out there are actually socially retarded. In the case of Soul Bar, it was a table full of odd looking "women" (there was one Asian "girl" who may or may not have had a penis), who demonstrated just how ridiculously ignorant people can be.
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| This came up when I searched "Asian Ladyboy"... God I hope noone sees my search history |
First off, this gaggle of scarecrow looking bitches of assorted nationalities rolls up to the table in the loudest fashion possible short of discharging a firearm and announcing your arrival via loud hailer. Hideous girl laughing and over the top, shrill discussion ensued, presumably so that the few people in the room who didn't see them enter would now be fully aware of their presence. The girls must have been some level of famous (though not as much so as they seemed to have built up in their heads) because gay guys and more odd looking women flocked to the over the course of the next hour or so for pictures and more idiotic discussion. One of the uglier ones mentioned her YouTube channel at one stage, so I can only assume she was one of those cool as people with 200 views on their channel who now assume themselves Demi-God status.
This wasn't what fired me up though, oh no. The incessant nattering and fame whoreing I can handle. But one of the girls gets up at one stage, saunters over to our table where three of us are sitting, picks up our candle and just starts slowly retreating to her table. Obviously she could feel our combined confusion and judgement because she only got a few steps before uttering, in a shrill disgusting voice "Sorry!" and continued a few more steps as if she hadn't established what she was doing was NOT normal human practise! Actually, it was more "SARRY" than "Sorry", but I don't feel like I can convey the true irritance it caused through a text based medium, so please just imagine her as the quintessential dumb model. But not like a hot Heidi or Giselle kind of model, like a hideous crack whore model who is only a model because she looks odd enough to garner interest from your average person.
ANYWAY, the hoe proceeds to take a few more steps, says "I'm being rude", notices that one of us has a lighter and says "Oh, You have a lighter" and finally just stands there waiting to have the lighter given to her. Are you kidding? All of this happened without a word from us, so I can only imagine what was going through her crack whore mind, but surely some alarm should have been going off in there saying "Hey mate, maybe don't storm this table like fucking Normandy and actually ASK for one of the items to which you seem to feel entitled." Apparently not.
Unfortunately, however, this was not the end to the weekend stupidity. Fast forward to Saturday night. I've got a few people over to celebrate my birth, I've gone to bed and Drunk Kyo has tagged in. Everyone is having a good time, we’ve had a sensational birthday dinner cooked and are now drinking everything in sight as if we have only that night to finish it, otherwise we turn into cats. About 10 (I think) we decide we should probably order a taxi so we can actually get to town (otherwise where will Drunk Kyo spend all my hard earned money?). So one of the lads calls a taxi company. Let’s not name names here, we'll just call the Cheap Cabs LTD. So he takes a sip of his beer after like 50 years on the line waiting for Cheap Cabs to pick up, and as he swallows some death hoe (potentially the same hoe from Soul Bar, now that I think about it) Shrieks "CHEAP CABS" down the phone. First off, calm the fuck down. You're the first point of contact your customers have with your company, so maybe don't scream your attitude problem down the phone at them. Next, in the time it takes the beer to get from his mouth to the bottom end of his throat, I’m guessing like 20cm, and with the help of gravity, the stupid twat has hung up the phone. It was like a 3-4 second window in which there was no response, so she has obviously thought "well I answer the phone like a live fog horn on P, doesn't everyone? Obviously there is no one on the other end of this phone, or they would have answered halfway through my speaking." No. Normal people take breaks between sentences; listen to what the other party has to say, and fucking LET THE OTHER PERSON SPEAK. That is how conversations work. You can't have one on your own, unless you are actually two or more people, which is more likely to be a mental health issue as that’s fucking IMPOSSIBLE.
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| "God I hate my job, perhaps being an obnoxious bitch will help pass the time..." |
So Drunk Kyo calls back, only to be hung up on. Drunk Kyo calls back again, and is informed that the taxi has been and gone because we didn't come out of the house. Our fault, right? No. Turns out the taxi never came down the drive, and despite having provided a contact number, no one attempted to inform us a taxi was waiting at the end of our long ass driveway which you cannot see from the house. Aparently, it's our responsibility to sense the taxi's arrival and stand in the rain waiting because it's too much effort for the driver to come down the 100m straight driveway, or give us a wuick call to tell us he's arrived. Ok, ok, I can understand that... sort of... so how far away is the taxi now? I wouldn't know, because the dick head on the other end of the phone hung up again. Your job is to answer a phone, right? Learn to use it properly you amateur! I've never worked in a call centre, and I get the feeling that if we went head to head in a phone using competition, I would Michael Phelps your ass. Long story short (or, at least not as long), a new taxi finally did arrive, came down the driveway, was AWESOME, and we got to town where Inappropriately drunk Kyo made yet another appearance. But that is a story for another time.
FINALLY, we get to the crux of this rant. Our neighbours are idiots. We live at the end of a rather long right of way. there are 6 houses, 3 down each side of the drive. We are the end house on the right. we have two parking spaces and a garage which will fit two cars. Our neighbours opposite us also have this exact arrangement. There are five of us, so I park on the road so as not to be a fucking inconvenience to others around me. It's called being a fucking human being. The neighbours, whose numbers could be anywhere from a family of four to a fucking battalion, don't seem to understand this.
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| "What? All the other parks were taken." |
Since moving in, week in and week out we have had them/their family/the drug addicts to whom we are pretty sure they sell their wares park in the middle of the damn drive way, blocking us in either our garage or our parks because they are too fucking lazy to walk down the driveway. Its 100 god damn metres for fuck sakes. Occasionally, when leaving notes on their windshields asking them not to park their has failed, we have sent pictures to our landlord to ask them to stop (passive aggression FTW). Finally this morning, one of the lads emails the landlord with probably the worst example of parking I have seen in my life. She replies and says she is finally going to issue them an official letter telling them they have 14 days to stop their fuck-wittery. Great! Finally, some firm action.
Wait, what’s this? An email from the landlord? Oh, and the neighbours have issued a counter complaint about our parking? ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! I realise it's our word against theirs, but when one of them has physically run into one of our cars, you can generally assume they are the ones at fault. Also, where are your photos? Being of sound mental health, when we got fed up enough to complain, we took photos (you know, with a camera) so that the landlord could see what the go was, and so we wouldn't just look like whinging idiots. Didn't think of that? What a shame, I guess all the landlord will have to go on is our word and photographic evidence. Damn. So now, we get a 14 day notice as well, despite never having caused anywhere near the problems these retards have. Awesome.
So, in conclusion, I'm awesome, and people around me are idiots. Admittedly, this entire post sounds like I’m going through my monthly, and realistically contains next to nothing of value to anyone outside of my flat/circle of friends, but neither has anything else I've blogged about so far. Hurrah!
Once again, Stay Classy.
Kyo
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