Xbox Trolls Can go to Hell

Being the overgrown kid that I am, I still spend way more of my adult life staring at a video game than is probably optimal. I suppose the unfortunate thing about that is that I would say I'm just above average at almost every game I play. Now that would be fine, I can live with being a B grade gamer seeing as I have a life (dull as it may be) outside of the plasma screen I engross myself in for a few hours every few days. Unfortunately, the entire virtual world in which the best games are played out is inhabited by keyboard heroes and 12 year old kids with fucking tourettes syndrome.

As I said above, it's not like I'm the John Rambo of the Call of Duty world or anything, but I manage to come out on top every now and then. You would think that the kids I just decimated would bow at my feet, send sweet messages congratulating my achievement and offering their favourite xbox control as my reward right? Aparently not.
What set this all off was a game of COD I was playing the other night. I manage to win (because I'm a boss), and immediately that little bell noise goes off and I see some loser with too many "X"s in their gamer tag has sent me a message. Curiosity gets the better of me, and of course I have to take a look to see how this guy has chosen to worship his superior. The message comes up, I trace my eyes down the screen, past the senders name and on to the message... Only to find two short words; "Ball Bag".

Are you fucking kidding me? What Hercules asshole decided "Hey, this guy just beat me at a game. I bet hes a set of testicles." You dont see me sending wild messages all over the god damn game harrassing the bastards who beat me more often than not now do you?
Also, what exactly did I do to this particular kid to trigger this verbal jab to the face? THE ENTIRE GAME IS BASED ON KILLING EACH OTHER! I killed you in the game, because thats the fucking objective! You win by killing 30 people quicker than anyone else (something this guy could probably do well to note, seing as he lost to a "Ball Bag") so how about instead of spending the last few minutes of the game summoning up all of your bountiful wit to troll me for beating you, kill some motherfuckers like everyone else!

The other thing that fires me up is the lack of creativity. Ball Bag? Really? am I playing a two year old child who has a porn director as a father, and this is the only word he has learned due to the sheer frequency with which it is used in the home? What happened to jokes about my mother, or comments about my sexual prowess? I miss the old days.

Another asshole responded to my victory with no more than "You are SO shit!". Come on dude, you're not even making an attempt. I beat you, so if I'm shit, what're you? One of the flies that hangs around me? Just think before you decide to become King of Iron Fist Tournament over Xbox Live for god sake! I'm sure going full retard via an online game will secure you the victory you so deperately crave. Actually, now that I mention it (which I can do, because this is my blog, so there.), why does it piss you off so much to lose at this game? For you to be that intense about your online failure you're obviously already failing at most other aspects of day to day life, so why is it that this one thing pisses you off so much?
Are you sitting at home duck taped to a chair, with a gun to your head under the threat that if you dont win your life will be forfeit? Is there some kind of monetary reward riding on your victory? Is some stunner of a woman offering you head should you manage to pull off an unlikely win? (least likely of the three, given your dedication to the game). I just don't know.

Maybe I will campaign to end this Tall Poppy Syndrome shit, and prop people up whenever they do something cool. Probably not though, as I said earlier, I have a life outside of the plasma screen. In saying that, I did just blog about some guy who trolled me, using excessive profanity and taking stabs at their person much like they did to me... so I suppose I'm not really in a position to comment...

Meh, when in Rome.

Kyo